by Jay Herring (Author, Narrator)
The Truth About Cruise Ships: A Cruise Ship Officer Survives the Work, Adventure, Alcohol, and Sex of Ship Life
1 – Sail with your age group. If it’s cold, they’re old. Alaskan cruises often have an older crowd and in general, any cruise longer than seven days will have an older crowd. Younger passengers usually can’t afford longer cruises nor do they have vacation time to take them. Three and four day cruises are party cruises and typically have a younger crowd, especially in the Caribbean. Two day cruises to nowhere are especially popular with the party crowd. If you are looking for an older more relaxed crowd, look for longer voyages especially in colder climates. If you want to party with a younger crowd, look for shorter voyages especially in warmer climates.
2 – If you have assigned seating in the dining rooms, then the secret about the people you sit with is that they are likely very similar to you. The Maitre’d intentionally seats similar people together. Couples with couples, singles with singles, seniors with seniors. Realize that these people may become your new best friends on the cruise.
3 – Remember to set your watch to “ship time” which may or may not change when you cross time zones.
4 – Don’t be late. The ship will only wait about fifteen minutes after its scheduled sailing time. Each cruise line has a port agent that can help if you do miss the ship. Most people fly to the next port to meet the ship there. Who pays for that? You.
5 – Bring ear plugs. They make sleeping on the airplane easier. They also allow you to sleep through the noise that may otherwise disturb you on the ship: afternoon announcements, kids running down the corridor, the ship’s engines, and noisy neighbors. If you plan to be loud, bring extras to distribute to your neighbors (I actually did that once).
6 – Remember that the captain has the authority to kick you off the ship if he thinks you’re a danger to his crew or the other passengers.
7 – To strike up conversation with a crewmember, don’t ask lame questions like:
“Do you live on the ship?”
“How long is your contract?”
“Can you get off in port?”
First time cruisers ask these questions everyday and the crew get sick of answering them. The crew do live on the ship. Contracts are typically eight months followed by eight weeks of vacation. The crew can get off in port, but not every time. Remember that the first question or comment that comes to mind is usually one that countless others have already asked or said. Go deeper and ask questions like:
“What food do you miss the most from back home?
“What do you like most about working on the ship?”
“How do you get along with your roommate?”
8 – Don’t expect to be able to change or upgrade your cabin once you get on board. Ships are often booked to capacity, in which case changing cabins is only possible if there is a no-show (someone who paid for the cruise but didn’t show up to take it) and the purser’s desk waits until the ship closes the hull doors and sets sail before officially declaring a no-show.
When there are empty cabins, the nice ones get scooped up fast so pick the cabin you want when you book the cruise. (Check out my article below on selecting the right cabin)
9 – That said, to have the best chance at upgrading or changing your cabin, be one of the first people to board the ship, and head straight to the purser’s desk. Be prepared to wait in line only to hear that all the cabins are already
taken. Can’t stress it enough – you’re better off picking the cabin you want when you book your cruise, rather than using your vacation time to try to
change it.
10 – Expect that your luggage won’t arrive to your room until late in the evening and don’t waste your time calling the pursers to ask about it. It’s coming, so just be patient. The cabin stewards have to deliver thousands of pieces of luggage and it just takes time. Take a carryon to pack the things you can’t wait on like medication, toiletries, or your audio version of The Truth About Cruise Ships (Was a total blast recording in a professional studio with headphones, mic, and the producer on the other side of the glass. Makes you feel like a rock star.)
11 – Bring a watch. It will help you get back to the ship on time and help you make it to the on board activities you’re interested in.
12 – Save room in your luggage for things you’ll buy on the cruise.
13 – Don’t over pack. There is no need to have two giant suitcases and a carryon for each person on a four day cruise. You’ll see this.
14 – But DO bring extra underwear because after laying out by the pool or walking around in port all day, you’ll want some cleanliness. If you run out of clean clothes, you can throw a load in one of the passenger washing machines.
15 – Be ready to share the port with other cruise ships. St. Thomas has been known to have thirteen ships in port on the same day. That would make you just one of 25,000 passengers.
16 – Don’t ask a crewmember where their country is located. It makes you look unintelligent. Google it. And remember, South Africa is a country, not a region. (I had to Google that).
17 – Enjoy the food, but remember that you don’t have to stuff yourself five times a day just to get your money’s worth.
18 – Pay attention during boat drill. It could save your life.
19 – If you want to research your cruise, prepare to be overwhelmed because there are so many options. A travel agent that specializes in cruising can help. The industry changes constantly and the internet will always be more current than a book as it relates to specific ports or ships. The better option, I think, is to just pick a destination and go. It’s a cruise so it’s hard to go wrong.
20 – If you drink, you will probably drink more than usual on board a ship. This is the most accurate prediction of behavior for passengers (and crew). Keep that water bottle close to the bed. If aspirin helps you, pack some. You can buy it on board (at some ridiculous price) but you’ll waste vacation time doing so.
21 – Expect your cabin to be at least 50% smaller than a typical hotel room. Realize that this is no problem.
22 – Newer ships are nicer ships. Older ships aren’t as nice but they can be less expensive for the same length of cruise. If you have a choice and everything else is equal, choose the newer ship.
23 – Ladies – If you want a hair appointment for formal night, schedule it on the first day of the cruise. The time slots fill up fast, and if you later need to cancel, it only makes those on the waiting list happy.
24 – Pack suntan lotion. Expect more ridiculous pricing if you buy it on the ship or in port. Use more than you think you need. Reapply more often than you think you need. I saw lobster red passengers on probably every Caribbean cruise and there’s just no reason to be miserable on vacation.
25 – If you are flying to get to your ship’s homeport, leave enough time in your flight plans to compensate for flight delays. Delayed flights often cause missed sailings. Arriving super early on the ship makes the vacation feel longer.
26 – While in port, loiter around the taxi stand and wait to share a cab with someone else who is heading your direction. You can save a couple bucks and meet someone new.
27 – Consider bringing walkie-talkies on board especially if you have children.
28 – Remember your passport. I’ve seen many passengers in tears at the embarkation terminal because one person in the group forgot their passport and couldn’t board the ship. It ruined their vacation. The cruise is not refunded. Nor is the airfare. Nor are the vacation days from your employer.
29 – If you want to do a transatlantic crossing, start in Europe because you will gain five hours of daylight by crossing time zones.
30 – It happens all the time (stories in the book), but crewmembers are not supposed to fraternize with the passengers. If caught, they can get fired (can depend on their rank and how much security and/or the staff captain likes them). So if you hit on a crewmember, be prepared for them to say no. And if you do hook up with a crewmember, use discretion and be prepared to sneak around. Also realize that you are probably not the first passenger they’ve been with. Many crewmembers go to the disco on the first formal night to hunt and this is the best place to look for romance with a crewmember.
31 – The best time to book your shore excursion is before you board the ship. When booking your cruise, ask if it is possible to book your shore excursions before the cruise begins. Many cruise lines will let you do this online. By doing so, you’ll likely get the shore excursion you want before it fills up. Also, booking online will keep you from using your vacation time to wait in line on the ship.
32 – Realize that you can save money if you book your shore excursions directly with the tour company instead of going through the cruise line. The reason is that the cruise line acts as the middle man and receives a cut of the money you pay for the tour ticket. Depending on the tour, you can save $15 to $50 or more per ticket, which could result in a 60% savings by booking directly with the tour company.
You can do this before you board the ship, but it will require extra time and effort. You can also do this when you step off the ship in port, but then you run
the risk of the tour already being full. If you are doing a basic taxi sightseeing tour or are very familiar with the port, then this may be a better option for you.
But otherwise go ahead and book your tour through the cruise line (especially if you’re a first time cruiser). It saves you time and hassle and frees you up to focus on enjoying your vacation.
33 – Understand that cabins above or below the disco will be loud and that cabins near the engine may vibrate. My favorite location for a passenger cabin is at the very front of the ship. Front of the ship means you walk further and get a little rumble from the thrusters (but usually only when the ship is docking or leaving port). Front of the ship also gets a little more swaying in rough seas, but you get zero vibration from the engines. It’s also quieter because you have less foot traffic passing by your door.
34 – If you take an Alaskan Cruise and want an outside cabin, choose a starboard cabin for a northbound cruise and a port cabin for a southbound cruise. That way you will be facing the scenery instead of the open
water.
35 – Don’t expect complete perfection in everything. The toilet might not work. The batteries in your remote control might be dead. Call the pursers when necessary, but realize that you are on vacation and try to maintain a relaxed mood. If you have a legitimate complaint, be civil when you address it. Control your emotions. A friendly but firm complaint will get you further than if you raise your voice and become difficult. Staying calm will also keep you in a better mood to enjoy your vacation.
36 – Sail with friends. Although you will meet new people on board, it’s always more fun to sail with friends you already know. If two couples sail together, and for example, the girls want to play bingo, but the guys prefer to lounge at the pool, then everyone gets to do what they want without being alone. The great thing about a cruise is that friends aren’t forced to be together (so many options for things to do) the that often happens on land vacations. Cruising is a great way to travel with friends, and still be friends when you get home.
37 – Close your cabin door quietly to prevent disturbing your neighbors, and to prevent them from slamming their doors in retaliation.
38 – Don’t bother with traveler’s checks. Just take cash and use your credit card for all on board purchases. Ships have an ATM and so do the ports if you run out of cash, but you can also use the casino to get cash without the ATM fees. Just go to the casino cage and get some casino chips using your ship card which pulls from your credit card. Hold on to them for an hour or so, and then exchange them for cash.
39 – Don’t lean over and look at the purser’s computer screen. It annoys them and you probably won’t understand the screen anyway. I knew a purser that
set up her monitor to specifically block the screen from the passengers so as to keep them from leaning over the counter to look.
40 – If you booked a shore excursion through the cruise line and the entire excursion is late, then don’t worry. The tour operator will contact the port agent who will then contact the ship. The captain will almost always
wait for a delayed excursion that was booked through the cruise line. But he will not wait if he has no idea of when a missing passenger will decide to stroll back to the ship. So if you are not with a ship organized tour and know you will be late, contact the port agent yourself. You’ll find the port agent’s contact information in the ship’s daily program which you may want to take with you when you go out in port.
41 – Don’t go to the purser’s and complain about the weather. Whether it’s rainy or sunny, they had nothing to do with it. (Seriously, this happens) Do not ask for a weather related refund. Be mentally prepared for rainy days in port, and don’t let them dampen your vacation mood.
42 – Cruises are popular with families during the holidays and during the summer when the kids are out of school. Schedule your cruise around these times if you want a cruise with fewer children on board.
43 – If you know someone who works on a ship, you absolutely must cruise with them if you can. When my friends and family cruised with me, they only
paid port charges which was about $30 for a five day cruise. I was able to get free shore excursions and I knew all the best places to take them in port. But even if you can’t get a discount on the cruise, you’ll have more fun than if you cruise as a normal passenger, especially if they can get you access to the crew areas.
44 – Don’t wait in line just because you see one (also happens all the time). On some ships the gangway leads straight to the purser’s desk and on embarkation day, the pursers have to deploy someone to keep the passengers
from getting in line even though they have no questions. They just think that’s what you’re supposed to do next. Once you board the ship, maybe check out your cabin and then grab some food and drinks on Lido deck.
45 – Book your cruise with a travel agent because it can be cheaper than booking directly with the cruise line. You can likely save up to a couple hundred dollars by doing so.
46 – Another way to save up to hundreds of dollars on your cruise is by booking at the last minute. You can find deals online that will advertise last minute cruises. At the other extreme, you can also save by booking as far in advance as possible.
47 – Don’t over plan or over research your trip. If you are a first time cruiser, just go and enjoy the uncertainty and novelty of it all.
48 – If you have an assigned time for your dinner seating, don’t be late. Ship dining rooms aren’t like a regular restaurant and serving so many meals in such a short amount of time requires specific and highly coordinated timing. If you arrive late, it throws off your waiter’s entire schedule, not just for your meals, but for the meals of his entire section. It causes him to wait in extra lines in the galley to get your food that is now out of synch with all of his other tables. This is how many passengers irritate waiter without knowing it.
49 – If something goes wrong on your cruise, like a grounding or heavy listing at sea, don’t let it get you down. Especially if there are no injuries, realize that you have experienced something very few other passengers have and you’ll have a story others will want to hear.
50 – Seasickness – realize that many of today’s cruise ships are so big, that their movement is often very minimal. The truth about seasickness is that many passengers take medication for it even when they don’t need to.
That said, it is easier to prevent seasickness than to cure it. If you begin to feel seasick, here are some things that can help:
Take a nap – I have found that lying on your back or right side gives the most relief.
Medication – Dramamine and Scopolamine are two of the most common chemical medications.
Ginger – Ginger capsules have also been shown to be effective, but may not be as helpful as the chemical medications.
Open Deck – Move to an open deck in the middle of the ship and look out at the horizon
Acupuncture – Use an acupuncture wrist band or stimulate the underside of your forearm that is three fingers down from your wrist.
Shot – Get a shot from the ship’s doctor. If it is really bad, the ship’s doctor can give you a shot that will likely give you instant relief with the side effect of putting you to sleep for a few hours.
51 – Realize that your cabin stewards and waiters work ten to fifteen hours a day and that each cruise starts on the same day that the previous cruise ended. This means that they, along with most of the crew rarely, if ever, get a day off in eight months.
To be treated like royalty from your cabin steward and/or waiter, tip them an extra $20 on the first day of the cruise. Complement them and let them know that you will be tipping them again at the end of the cruise. Few passengers do this, but the ones that do get the best service. If you have any problems or special requests, you will become their top priority.
52 – At the other end of the spectrum, realize that you can easily become recognized as a “problem passenger.” If you are rude to the staff or you complain too much, then you can easily become their lowest priority.
Crewmembers are a very tight knit group and word travels quickly. If you are rude to one person, realize that crewmembers in other departments are likely to have heard what you did.
53 – Remember that the ship is the destination, and not just transportation to the ports. The ship is where you will spend most of your time. Cruising is a great way to sample the ports you might want to visit again, but if you really want to spend time in a specific port, then fly there and stay for a few nights.
If you cruise, you’re only scheduled to be in each port for about eight hours with no guarantee of agreeable weather. Understand that the scheduled itinerary and ports may change and just go with the flow. If your ship doesn’t make it to the scheduled ports, don’t automatically assume that you will get a partial refund. You might, you might not.
My wife and I sailed on 500+ cruises, but I was only a passenger once (and it was free because my cruise director friend hooked me up). Needed that cruise to get this “Crew Only” picture for the back cover of the book (that almost no one sees because nearly all my sales are digital 🤣🤣🤣).
Anyway, would love to know which tip you thought was the most helpful.
What other cruise tips have you thought of?
